Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Dark Place

In my continuing quest to find out what causes me to go to (what Wendy and I have dubbed) “The Dark Place” I have had blood work done and they showed some interesting things one doctor could not explain. A few things were elevated in my liver but in the opposite order of what he was expecting to see. We have had new blood work done with me having been off alcohol for seven days to see if they can find more clarity in the results. I have to be off all alcohol for a month while they run a battery of tests on different parts of my body.

My vague comment before about tissue damage and liver was my lame attempt at trying to figure out what my blood test results meant with no medical training whatsoever. I was just looking up terms on the internet that the tests showed were abnormal. This was before I had consulted with any doctor on the results. When the second blood tests come back, I will meet with my primary doctor and I’ll have more information.

The Dark place has a recurrence cycle of between four and seven months. After my therapist did some research into what is happening when I go there he finally found out what is going on. He was flipping through a medical book, found a page that described what’s happening to me to a fucking “T”. Every single thing I go through was listed. It was like a grocery list of every single one of my symptoms. I couldn’t believe it when I read it.

“You are not having panic disorder or anxiety type signatures any more. This is something different. I cannot in good conscious continue to try and solve this when I think you need a different kind of doctor to stop this from happening.“ I am now seeing three new doctors.

The trouble now is narrowing down what is causing the condition. Possibilities that match my symptoms exactly could be caused by a problem with my thyroid, vitamin deficiency, Arrhythmia, Hypertension, Addison’s, Cushing’s, Inappropriate ADH, Brain Abscess, Lymphoma, Disulfiram, Hypercarbia, Brain Tumor, Intracerebral hematoma, Neurosyphilis (I don’t remember having brain sex with a dirty hooker…) Those aren’t even all the things that could cause it, just the interesting ones I recognize.

My hope is for the brain tumor. If they can cut The Dark Place out of me and stop this from happening once every six months that would suit me just fine.

They’ve put me on some new drugs and in a couple of weeks I am having some sort of magnetic resonance imaging scan of my brain. I’m betting it shows an ancient gerbil on a wheel, bottle of whisky in one paw, cigarette dangling from his mouth as he runs.

It cannot be said enough what a rock Wendy has been and I love her more every day for it.


  1. Good job in getting evaluated. I don't think anyone wants you checking out prematurely. The Magic community needs to know your opinion of the state of the game when you turn 100.

    So play for the long game. A good life isn't RDW.


  2. Thanks for the update, James. I knew it wasn't panic. Thank goodness your doc listened to you and sent you on to others who specialize. Wendy, thank you for being his rock.
    Love to both of you, Tanya

  3. Well, let's hope for something less invasive than a brain tumor. Our good friend Vanessa had one cut out of her last year, and even though she's made nothing short of a miraculous recovery, she's still pretty wobbly and half her body don't work so good.

    Something fixable with meds is better than having a melon baller taken to the gray matter, trust me.