Thursday, July 7, 2011

My Wife the Spy Part III

Wendy is contacted by a huge company (they're in the news a lot lately including last week's issue of Time magazine) who she has done work for before.

'Hi Wendy,

How are you? Good. So, what we want this time is an investigation into two people. They want us to design a hundred million dollar project for them. The problem is, they don't seem to have any money, no previous projects, and no history of business because their company was started only six months ago. We need you to verify that they are legit."

"No problem."

Wendy contacts the home office and they put her in contact with a German spy. When I say spy, I don't mean it in the way Wendy is a spy, I mean it in the James Bond, gadgets, surveillance, trained in hand to hand combat kind of spy. Wendy is put in touch with him and she details what she needs.

Four weeks go by and things seem to be going well. She is getting regular updates and brief reports. The spy doesn't work alone, he has an associate in Russia who is doing most of the heavy lifting.

At the six week mark, when the report is supposed to be finished and turned in to the client, she gets some bad news. Allegedly, the Russia spy has been killed and found in a ditch.


The German spy tell us that as long as he can find the USB stick the Russian spy kept all his data on, all will be well. He should have the report to her in the next week.

Is this real? I don't know but I start locking the windows and double bolting the door at night.

The head office informs Wendy that it "probably" is not. That the German spy is usually late and this is his excuse for the fact that he's not delivering on time.

Another week goes by, Wendy placating the client who is getting restless.

Finally the report comes in and Wendy hollers to me from the other end of the apartment. "Jamie! You have to come see this."

I make my way down there to look over the report with Wendy.

"John lives in an American style apartment. His furnishings are all modern, American brands. He has a forty inch flat screen TV, three sofa's, two bedrooms. He owns three guns, all of them legally. Serial numbers are xxxxx-xxxxx, xxxxx-xxx, and xxxxxxx-xxxx. He has been in front of the court on two separate occasions on charges of corruption, found not guilty both times. He has one charge of DUI. His daughter has type two diabetes and attends X university in America studying pre-med. She drives a..."

(This is not writer's license. Everything I just listed was in the report.)

And on and on and on.

"I know, right?"


Deep in the report she finds the information she is looking for. The two men are cousins to the man who runs the country. They have all the money in the world because this company has been set up by the government to get this project pushed through.

Wendy delivers this and other information to the client as soon as she can. She takes the ramblings of the German spy and turns it into a professional document. (Do they need to know about his daughter and how many guns he owns and what their serial numbers are? No, they would be as freaked out as we are.) Then she burns everything to CD, meets with the client and delivers them some important pieces of advice.

1. They are legit.
2. You have nothing to worry about.
3. They are getting impatient. This deal has fallen through once with the German company they hired before you, and because of your hesitance to deal with them, is in danger of falling through again.
4. Call them now. Get started today. Start shipping product over now.

And that's how my wife the spy saved a hundred million dollar contract.

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